Dawn's Early Light Page 7

  Lilly’s panting didn’t slow and her belly tightened again. Cam just sat, absorbing the sheer domesticity of the scene.

  He owed her an answer. An explanation. Even if he couldn’t promise not to repeat it, she deserved to know what had driven him to the bottle earlier that night.

  “I lost one of my soldiers,” he said after a long silence. “I found out earlier, before you came by.”

  She glanced over at him, then kept watching the puppies root around, looking for nipples.

  “‘I’m sorry’ feels inadequate,” she said softly.

  “I don’t think we ever know what to say, honestly. It’s like our culture is permanently avoiding the idea that people die by not having the words.”

  She frowned. “I never thought about it that way.” She curled into a seated position, resting her elbow on a bent knee. “I wonder if having better things to say would make it hurt less?”

  “Probably not.”

  He shifted until he sat closer to her and she leaned into him, resting her head against his shoulder.

  “How many more do you think there are?” he asked after a moment.

  Six squat puppies were in various stages of feeding or sleeping. The kitten hopped off the fireplace and took a hesitant step toward the puppies.

  Beside him, Hayley tensed. Lilly lifted her head, watching the kitten intently. She looked up at the dog and mewed softly. Lilly nuzzled her tummy and rolled her over, repeating their earlier routine until the kitten mewed and moved between Lilly’s paws.

  “That could have been bad,” he said as the kitten settled down.

  “Yeah. Lilly’s super protective of her puppies. I couldn’t even let my assistant near her first litter.” Hayley tossed the rag she’d been using into a pile and pulled out a clean one. “When I lift, can you slide the clean towel beneath her hind end? I think she may be done but she’ll still be passing the rest of the afterbirth.”

  “This is the singular most romantic thing I’ve ever done,” he said dryly as he did what she requested.

  When the dog was cleaned up, he snagged an opportunity to draw Hayley close to him. “Thank you,” he murmured against her neck.

  “For what?”

  “Not leaving me alone.” He lowered his forehead to hers. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  She pressed her lips into a flat line. “Yeah, well, you were hurting. It was an easy thing to do.” She brushed her thumb over his bottom lip. “Even if you are seriously clumsy when you drink.”

  “I drink a lot,” he confessed. “I don’t usually get hammered, though.”

  “I think losing someone close to you is a good enough reason.” She slid her palm over the rough grain on his cheek. “But I also think you need to work on that no-sleeping thing.”

  “I wish it was that simple. I usually take a sleeping pill and that helps.”

  “You can’t do that forever,” she whispered.

  “I know. I’ve got until my pill bottle runs out to figure it out.” He breathed out heavily. “I’ve got a lot of scar tissue, Hayley. I don’t want to lie to you and pretend that I’m something that I’m not.”

  He was giving her an out. A chance to drive him back to the house and walk away from him and all the demons from the war that hunted his sleep.

  Their relationship was going to hurt. Any smart woman would walk away from him. He had one foot in this world and the other permanently stuck in the desert sands of war.

  The longer the silence dragged on, the more his heart sank in his chest.

  Letting her go was the right thing to do.

  She moved closer. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do,” she whispered. “But I’m stronger than that.” She brushed her lips against his. “And now that we delivered the puppies, I would very much like to take you upstairs and see what else has changed since you left.”

  Chapter 19

  HE SHOULDN’T HAVE wanted to follow her up the stairs. He should have shown her all his scars first—and not just the ones on his back.

  But Hayley didn’t need to know about the blood and the recriminations and the death. She didn’t need to know about the fire and the explosions and the streets filled with shit.

  Him knowing about it was enough, and if he could keep those horrors from her, then he could die happy.

  He wanted Hayley. Over ten years and three deployments, that hadn’t changed. He glanced over at her. She was nibbling on her bottom lip and Cam thought of the last time he’d seen her do that. She’d been eighteen and they’d just agreed to go all the way.

  She’d been so nervous that she hadn’t noticed his hands shaking as he’d pulled the condom from his wallet. The memory might be more than ten years old, but that didn’t reduce its power. It made him long for a normalcy that he could not have.

  Tonight he would try to push aside the memories of blood and violence and guilt. He needed to cling to a hint of pleasure.

  His mouth went dry as he followed her up the stairs. In the doorway of her bedroom, she turned to him, her eyes filled with a potent mix of arousal and uncertainty. She waited for him to answer them.

  He moved with a desperation born from long nights alone in a dirty, dusty desert. He slanted his mouth over hers and stroked his tongue into her mouth, tasting mint.

  Her taste was completely erotic. She whimpered beneath his lips and the sound shot a bolt of pure desire straight through his groin.

  She smiled against his mouth, and cupped his erection, squeezing gently through his jeans. A surprised gasp broke free before he could stop it.

  “Jesus, don’t do that,” he whispered, pulling her against him once more. He hesitated, remembering his intense reaction to a memory of her earlier. “I might embarrass myself.”

  Cam stood mesmerized as Hayley walked backward toward the bed, her hands on the bottom edge of her shirt.

  She teased the hem up, revealing a softly curved belly and smooth creamy skin. He was spellbound as she inched the thin T-shirt up, higher and higher until he could see the edge of her bra.

  For once, he welcomed the way his heart raced against his ribs. His gaze locked on her. One inch at a time, she drew Cam after her like a cat seeking a mouse on the edge of a string.

  His blood pounded through his veins as he pinned her between his body and the mattress. She removed her shirt fully and snaked her hand into his pants. She purred softly when she found him, hard as stone.

  He dwarfed her, even though she was close to his height. Her lips swelled beneath his kisses and he tugged her top lip between his teeth. He couldn’t get enough of her and surrendered control to his arousal, to her hand stroking him beneath the pressure of his jeans.

  In her darkened bedroom, he hitched her thighs around his waist. For once, he didn’t check for memories lingering in the shadows. He lost himself in her taste and her touch and the tiny roll of her hips against his erection.

  She was beautiful and more confident than she’d been a decade ago. It made her infinitely more sensual. He released her thighs and she slid under his body, her breasts straining against her bra and sliding against his chest.

  “We need you naked,” she murmured, tugging his T-shirt over his head and pushing him onto his back.

  She’d already seen the scars but he wasn’t prepared when she traced the one over his shoulder with her fingers as she drank him in. The feeling of pure power that rocked through him when she moaned as he rolled his hips against hers drove him wild. He urged her backward on the wrought-iron bed.

  His body was muscular against hers, containing a hardness that was more than just physical. His chest was firm angles and crisp hair, his abs like steel restrained in warm satin.

  A man had replaced the boy she’d known. Nothing about him was the same and yet, nothing had changed. The heat that had once been between them as teenagers was hotter now, more intense, and Hayley was more than willing to act on her emotions rather than let Cam take the lead.

  His belly quivered as she dragged
her nails down the dark hair that disappeared beneath the waistband of his jeans. His breath caught in his throat when she unzipped his pants and his erection sprang free.

  She knelt before him to tug his jeans lower. He couldn’t breathe. She glanced up at him, her lips slightly parted.

  Words escaped him when her tongue flicked against the tip of his cock. His heart stopped as she looked up at him and wrapped her lips around the head, suckling him with enough gentle pressure to set fireworks off in his blood.

  She cradled his balls in her hand as he threaded his fingers into her hair and tried to avoid pumping his hips. She drove him crazy with her tongue, her hands, and the quick stroke of her fingers following the trail blazed by her lips.

  “Hayley.” He could barely speak, let alone pronounce a coherent sentence. Pleasure built in his groin. It was going to be a very short night if she didn’t stop. Now.

  He pulled her up, probably harder than he should have, claiming her lips for himself as he yanked her jeans open. She met his urgency as she stripped. Suddenly she was naked, illuminated by the moonlight that peeked through the drapes.

  Her breasts filled his hands and shattered his memories. He laid her back on the bed and teased her nipples with his lips and fingers. She arched beneath him, reaching for his cock and urging him closer. “Please, Cam. Don’t make me wait.”

  He would never be able to explain how he got the condom in place in record time. Her thighs wrapped around his waist and she arched, urging him inside her.

  Urging him home.

  She cried out as he entered her in one quick, hard thrust. She buried her face in his neck as she stretched to fit him inside her. Tracing her lips over his neck, she tugged on his earlobe as her body thrummed. “You feel so good,” she whispered.

  She was unbelievably tight and swollen and so aroused he thought he might actually die from the pleasure. She flexed around him and Cam groaned, thrusting inside her, unable to stop himself. She arched beneath him, matching his movements as his release built toward ecstasy.

  Her cries were little pieces of heaven to his ear. Her body tensed as she built toward release, gripping him tighter and tighter until he was sure she was going to shatter around him.

  When her release came, it was with a force that would have dropped him had he been standing. She exploded, her slick walls pulsing around him with the most erotic rhythm, her sounds a sensual mixture of gasps and cries.

  His own orgasm tore through him, shredding his composure. He sank into the depths of her pleasure and her soul. His release slammed through him and into her.

  In the quiet aftermath, Cam brushed a sweat-soaked strand of hair from her eyes. She made a sleepy sound and nestled closer to him, their bodies still joined, their souls still connected. Disbelief nestled with the lingering glow of satisfaction, leaving a warmth that he wasn’t sure he could handle.

  Cam slipped from her body before pulling her close to him. She curled against him, already half asleep. A warm haze descended over his brain. He kissed Hayley’s forehead and stared into the darkness, hoping that tonight, sleep might come without a pill.

  Chapter 20

  SHE FOUND HIM sitting in the living room, watching Lilly and her puppies. Hayley slipped onto the sofa beside him, wrapping her arms around him. “You didn’t sleep?”

  “Not really.” He lifted her palm to his lips. “I figured I’d puppy-sit for a while.”

  “Pretty boring. All they do is sleep the first few weeks.”

  He shrugged. “It’s fine. I couldn’t figure out your coffee pot, unfortunately, or I’d have made some.”

  “It’s not that complicated.”

  “If it involves more than adding grounds and water and pushing a button, it’s too complicated.”

  She smiled and pressed her lips to the scars on his shoulder. “Would you like me to show you how it works? On the off chance that you’d like to repeat last night?”

  He turned, tugging her onto his chest. “That would be very nice,” he said against her mouth. His hands slid down her back to cup her rear, pressing her into him. “I don’t suppose you can play hooky from work today, can you?”

  She shook her head. “Your bedroom skills may have dramatically improved from your teenage years, but I’m not about to start skipping work for them.”

  He arched one eyebrow. “Challenge accepted.”

  “Maybe some other time,” she said gently. “I have a clinic to run and my first appointment is in three hours.”

  In all honesty, it was damn hard to extract herself from the sensual slide of his hands over her back and hips.

  “Three hours is a really long time.”

  “I thought you wanted coffee?”

  He frowned. “That’s a hard choice.” He kissed her softly. “How about coffee, then sex, then puppy maintenance, then work?”

  She laughed. “Puppy maintenance?”

  “What else do you call it?”

  “The only thing I have to do is weigh them and make sure they’ve eaten.” Hayley glanced over at Lilly. “Speaking of puppies, where’s the kitten?”

  “Jinx is around here somewhere. Probably sleeping under a chair.”

  Hayley pushed upright and offered him a hand. “Coffee, then breakfast? Then sex?”

  “Damn, sex as priority number three?” He stood, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. “You’re hell on the ego, you know that, right?”

  “I’m just trying to keep yours in check.”

  “Are we talking about my…”

  She clapped her hand over his mouth and tried not to laugh. “No, we are not talking about pet names for your junk.”

  He mumbled something behind her palm.

  “Breakfast? And a promise to behave?” she asked.

  He nodded but she wasn’t sure he was going to comply.

  “How do you feel about pancakes?” he asked after she moved her hand.

  “If they’re your mother’s recipe, I’m all over it. What does she put in them to make them so damn perfect?”

  “Family secret. You get the coffee going and I’ll get the pancakes started.”

  She stepped closer to him, turning suddenly serious. “Next time you can’t sleep, you can wake me up, you know. So you don’t have to be alone.”

  The strength of his response stunned her. There was a lithe tension in Cam’s body where she leaned against him.

  For a brief moment, she tried to remind herself that she didn’t really know him anymore. The man standing with her was not the same boy she’d known. Though she’d remained friends with his brother, that didn’t mean he was a safe bet.

  “What would you say if I asked you to spend the night tonight?” she murmured against his lips. “For no other reason than because you wanted to?”

  He stilled. The tension was replaced with something sensual and completely arousing. “Hayley —”

  She brushed her thumb over his mouth and shivered when he pulled it between his teeth. Heat spiraled down her spine and settled between her thighs. She was already slick with need.

  She couldn’t remember the last time anything had felt so right. She wanted to stay home today. She couldn’t really figure out what it was about Cam that compelled her. He hadn’t been back for long, but she felt that same stir of desire standing right next to him.

  He kissed her again and maneuvered her around the couch and guided her down. Their bodies never lost contact. His hips slipped between her thighs and she ran her feet down the solid muscles of his legs. He made tiny gyrations against her and her sex throbbed for him.

  She ached for him. She wanted more from him than a quick lay. In her head, she’d built Cam up to be the man she measured all others against.

  That wasn’t a fair place to put him. She cupped his cheeks, feeling the scrape of his two-day-old beard against her palms, and kissed him, deeply, focusing on the real man she was lying with rather than the man she’d imagined.

  This was Cam. Cam, who she’d gone skinny-dippi
ng with when they’d played hooky their junior year in high school. Cam, who’d given her her first taste of beer.

  Yet what was happening between them now was wholly different from making love as teenagers. She arched beneath him as his lips trailed down her neck, his tongue flicking over her pulse where it pounded against her skin. His hand slid up her ribs to cradle her breast, and she welcomed the look of blunt appreciation on Cam’s face. She wiggled and lifted her shirt, giving him access to her sensitive nipples, inviting his touch.

  Their gazes locked as he lowered his lips. His tongue traced a small circle and her nipple puckered beneath his caress. Heat pooled between her thighs where he made tiny rocking moves against her.

  Cam lowered himself down and tasted her, trailing his tongue down her belly to the waist of her pants. Her zipper rasped open and he slid her pants over her hips, revealing the soft curls that covered her heat.

  When she was naked in front of him, he paused. He simply looked at her. She smiled at him and slowly, so slowly, he lifted one of her legs and draped it over his shoulder.

  “No fair. You’re still dressed,” she whispered, raising her arms over her head. Her breasts thrust high into the air. For a moment she saw he was torn between her breasts and the treasure between her thighs. He pressed his lips to the inside of her knee and she shivered.

  “I’ll make it up to you.”

  He pressed light, teasing kisses down her inner thigh until she was ready to scream. He wrapped his arms around her hips and used a single finger to stroke her, barely touching her. He savored her gasp of pleasure as he nuzzled against her curls, sliding his tongue lightly over the swollen pink folds.

  She jerked when his tongue slid against her core and drew out the sweetest sensation within her. Her back arched, and before she knew what she was doing, she opened for him.

  She braced her other leg on the coffee table and buried her hands in his soft hair as he suckled her.

  From somewhere far away, she heard a phone vibrating. She kept her eyes closed and tried to stay lost in the pleasure Cam was stroking to life inside her. When the phone stopped, she breathed a sigh of relief.