Because of You: A Loveswept Contemporary Military Romance Read online

  “You really believe that? Enough to risk your life?”

  “Yes, I really do. There is nowhere I would rather be than at the center of the fight with my platoon.”

  Jen swallowed and looked away, finally pulling her fingers free. “I don’t understand you,” she whispered. He was willing to risk everything to deploy. He wanted to get on that plane with stitches that were barely healed, putting his life at risk … not that the war didn’t do that all on its own. “Why do you want to go so badly?”

  “My boys need me.” He lifted his free hand, like he was going to reach for her, then dropped it abruptly, squeezing the fingers he still held. “Don’t make me leave them. Not now.”

  “You could die.”

  “That’s going to happen anyway. It’s just a question of when.” He tucked his hands into the waistband of his pants. “I’d rather die doing what I love.”

  She turned away, staring at the form she’d need to sign in order for him to deploy. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she was about to make a tremendous mistake, one that was potentially illegal and certainly unethical. But with one stroke of her pen, she gave him her blessing.

  Shane sighed with relief. “Thank you.”

  Jen poked her finger in his chest. “Don’t thank me. Anything happens to you, I’m responsible. And you still need your flu shot.”

  He smiled down at her, but there was no gloating in his eyes. Only a quiet victory. “You’re not God, Jen.”

  “No, but I am responsible for my patients,” she replied.

  He tucked his shirt into his pants, a faint smile at the corners of his lips. “Then you understand me.”

  She shouldn’t have been surprised that Shane didn’t read the form she handed him. He simply scribbled his name where she indicated. A sense of gloom settled around her heart. He rolled up the sleeve that had slipped down, baring his arm for the immunization.

  “Poke away.”

  She swabbed his skin and when she positioned the needle on his biceps, he caught her gaze one final time. “Be careful. I’m fragile.”

  Jen stared at him for a moment. His eyes glittered in the bright light. The sides of his mouth twitched. She looked at his wide chest, his heavy arms and rough hands. Fragile? Her lips quivered as she tried to hold back her response and failed. She covered her mouth with the back of her gloved hand and laughed.

  Shane couldn’t remember the last time he’d made a woman really laugh. Not like this anyway, this full-blown laugh that sent a smile creeping across his own lips. He’d meant to make her smile, to ease the regret he saw in her eyes. But this? This laugh was its own reward.

  Jen wiped her eyes and answered his smile with her own. “I’m sorry.”

  “Glad I could help.” He slid his fingers across her knuckles and over the back of her hand, his fingers lightly circling her wrist. “Thank you for this,” he whispered.

  She finished with the shot and looked away, hoping he didn’t see the moisture filling her eyes. She stood there for an impossible moment, realizing that she had violated her ethics for a man she would probably never see again, knowing it was the wrong thing to do. It didn’t matter that he was a friend of Laura and Trent’s. He’d come into her life for a brief moment and made her feel.

  “Shane?”

  “Yeah?” He paused where he’d shrugged into his uniform top.

  Jen wanted to say something. To tell him to be safe, but what good would it do? He was the guy who ran toward the burning building while everyone else ran the other way to safety. “Never mind.”

  Instead, she held on to the one final moment she’d have with him before he left for the only other place on earth hotter and more dangerous than hell.…

  Iraq.

  * * *

  It was time for roll call. Jen finished cleaning up her station and walked along the edge of the gym floor, skirting the massive formation. Near the door at the far end, a sergeant called out names, one at a time. A loud “hooah” or “here sarn’t” rang out as the soldier grabbed his gear and moved into formation.

  Laura waved at her from the bleachers, where she sat with the girl from last night, Nicole. As she approached, she noticed that Nicole’s eyes looked red, but she wasn’t going to mention it. It wasn’t her place.

  Jen threaded her arm through Laura’s and scanned the crowd, looking for a familiar face. She knew Laura was doing the same. Near the back edge of the formation, Shane stood next to Trent and Carponti. Carponti was telling a story that took a whole lot of movement. She smiled and wondered just how much the young sergeant got away with.

  Jen didn’t miss the fact that Laura’s eyes were also rimmed with red and swollen. She leaned her head on her friend’s shoulder.

  “It’s his fifth deployment in seven years,” Laura said. She sniffed and wiped her eyes. “I don’t understand how he ends up constantly deploying when there are others who haven’t gone once.”

  “How are the kids holding up with everything?” Jen asked, unable to find anything comforting to say.

  “You mean other than not knowing their daddy? They’re fine. These days they’re more comfortable being left at day care than spending time with Trent. It’s mostly older kids who have trouble with deployment. Mine are still young. But Ethan’s starting to have problems. Crying for Trent when he gets mad at me. Stuff like that.”

  “Is that why you didn’t bring them?” Nicole sniffed.

  “No. I didn’t bring them because it’s too hard on Trent. It prolongs the pain. He needs to focus on getting the job done, not on the kids clinging to him until the last minute.”

  “Isn’t that harder on you?” Jen asked.

  “Not really. I’m used to it at this point.”

  Nicole sniffed again as she searched for something in her purse. “You make it sound so easy. I hate that Vic is leaving again. I felt like shooting him in the foot so he couldn’t deploy.”

  Laura covered her face with her hands as Jen rubbed her back. “I can’t keep doing this.”

  Pulling a fresh pack of tissues from her purse, Nicole handed one to Laura. “Vic promised me this’ll be the last one. He’s going to ask for an ROTC assignment or something else that will let him be home for a while.”

  “Good luck with that,” Laura said, swiping the tissue beneath her eyes. “I hope it works for you. I’m starting to suspect that Trent’s happier when he’s deployed.”

  Jen blinked back her surprise. It was the first negative thing she’d ever heard Laura say about her husband.

  “I hope this year goes by quickly and is uneventful,” Laura said. “I don’t think I can handle another bad year like ’04.”

  Jen frowned, squeezing Laura’s hand, and answered the question in Nicole’s eyes. “The year Trent died.” It wasn’t a question.

  “Yeah. Trent was hurt bad and someone screwed up and ruined my life for almost two days. I got the whole casualty notification and everything. He called a day and a half later.” Laura bit her lips together. “I thought I’d gotten him back. Guess I was wrong.”

  The sergeant major moved to the front of the formation. “Detachment, atten-tion!”

  The answering cry of the unit’s motto “Death Dealers!” echoed off the rafters and thundered through Jen’s chest.

  “Right, face!” As one, the entire formation pivoted and turned to the right. “File from the right, forward, march!”

  The rest of the formation stood still as the first file of soldiers began marching from the gym. Jen squeezed Laura’s hand as Trent started to march toward the door. Shane looked up, and their eyes met over the top of the crowd. He mouthed a silent thank-you before he turned and marched from the gym without another glance.

  Oh joy. Lucky her, neither Nicole nor Laura missed the gesture. “What was that?” Laura asked.

  “What was what?” Jen said, fidgeting with her ID badge. She tried and failed to keep the tiny smile from the edge of her mouth.

  “That?” Laura asked, pointing at Shane’s
retreating back.

  “Nothing.”

  “Oh really? You saw that, right, Nikki?”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Jen insisted.

  She wasn’t sure why she had lied. She bit her lip, remembering last night’s kiss, and how Shane had chased away her nervousness and self-consciousness, leaving her with a lingering ache in her belly. Maybe it was the fact that, last night, she’d felt like a real, whole woman for the first time in over a year. It was something she was still absorbing, still trying to figure out, and she wasn’t ready to share it with the group and have it dissected.

  “Nothing my foot. I saw that, too,” Nicole said. She quickly glanced at her watch and jumped up. “Oh man, I’ve got to get to work.” She rushed down the bleachers, waving good-bye over her shoulder, leaving Jen at Laura’s mercy.

  “Okay, it’s just us. Spill.”

  Jen clenched her keys and smiled. “Nothing. He walked me to my car, I went home. Alone.”

  “Uh-huh,” Laura said in a tone that clearly called her bluff, as they got up to walk to their cars. Jen said it again. “Nothing happened. He was a perfect gentleman.”

  “Ha, now I know you’re lying,” her friend said, as they stepped into the bright Fort Hood sunlight.

  “Why do you say that?” Jen asked, curious, then clicked her remote to unlock her car.

  “I’ve known Shane since he and Trent were nineteen. Let’s just say he’s done some growing up.”

  “Once again, care to elaborate?”

  “Ha, so you are interested!” Laura shook her butt in a victory dance. “I knew it.”

  “Knew what?” Jen asked, palming her keys.

  “That it was just going to take the right person to push you out of your comfort zone.”

  “Shane didn’t push me anywhere,” Jen said. “And a guy like him isn’t going to cure what ails me.” She just wished Laura would drop the whole conversation, now.

  “Scars heal, Jen. But your boobs don’t make you a person.”

  “Can we not talk about this right now? Hell, you’ve got Shane checking out my boobs and being the Great Penis who will save the damsel in distress. I’ve talked to him twice. Reality check?”

  Laura choked on a laugh. “I’m so going to tell him you called him the Great Penis.”

  “Laura …”

  “I’m kidding. I’ll tell Trent. He’ll get a kick out of that. Seriously, just admit that you went out and had fun when you didn’t think you could.”

  “I admit it.” Jen rolled her eyes, smiling. “Are you happy now?”

  “See, we’re making progress.” Laura glanced at her watch. “I’ve got to get going, too. Come by the house this weekend. I’m hosting a family readiness group meeting and I could use a hand with the kids.”

  “Sure.” She paused and decided there was no better time than the present to ask. Might as well get the harassment over with. “Do you have their address?”

  Laura cast her a sideways glance. “Sure, why?”

  Jen swallowed the lie. She couldn’t admit to Laura that she wanted to check on Shane because she had medically released him. Hey, I just sent one of your friends to his potential death and I wanted to keep tabs on him and make sure he didn’t actually die. Nothing big. She shrugged and tried for a nonchalance she did not feel. “I’d like to send the guys a care package or something. What do guys like when they’re deployed?”

  “Porn and junk food.”

  Jen realized by the look on Laura’s face that she must not have hidden her horrified expression very well.

  “What? I’m married to him. Though Trent has never specifically asked for porn—”

  Laura got in her car and slammed the door shut, cutting off whatever she was saying.

  Jen got into her car, too, and sat in her driver’s seat for a moment, thinking about Shane as she watched the last bus pull away from behind the gym. Had she made the right call? Was she doomed to spend the rest of the year worrying about the man she’d sent to war? It would serve her right.

  She shouldn’t have cleared Shane to deploy today. But the need and the loyalty in his eyes when he’d asked her to let him go had touched her deeply. No one had ever shown her that kind of loyalty before, and to see a man willing to risk his health to stand by his men was compelling and something unique that she did not understand.

  And heaven help her, she’d sent him to Iraq.

  Chapter 4

  Four Months Later, Taji, Iraq

  Shane closed his eyes, and prayed. For a man who wasn’t particularly religious, that said a lot. He was running on little more than faith and caffeine and a hell of a lot of adrenaline and he was just about out of caffeine. He’d known this deployment was going to be bad. He’d had no idea how bad. Shane and his boys had been going full throttle since they’d transferred authority and taken over their battlespace. Patrols had been running every sixteen hours around the clock and they were getting hit every goddamned time they rolled outside the wire. They didn’t even have a decent place to crash after patrols. They were stuck sleeping in the middle of a wide-open hangar bay, bunks packed in next to one another.

  His men were tired and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. Frustration clawed at his heart. He had to do something. He had to figure out how to stop, to slow the train down, because it felt like his men were heading for a wall and had no brakes.

  Something heavy landed on his gut, forcing the air from his lungs. He balled up and waited for his lungs to relax to make room for more air as magazines, envelopes, and a box scattered over his stomach and onto the bunk with a flutter.

  “Mail call,” Carponti said.

  Shane hardly ever got mail, and when he did, it tended to be junk. He squeezed his eyes closed and prayed for patience.

  “Really, Carponti? Was it that fun dropping crap on my guts?”

  “Ah, yeah. Why else would I have done it?” Carponti sank into the bunk next to Shane’s. “LT Randall is looking for you by the way.”

  Shane rolled his eyes and swore as he sat up, throwing a stray magazine at Carponti’s head. Shane hated the fact that Randall’s father had been able to get him into West Point. There was no other commissioning source on earth that would have made him an officer otherwise. But he had to watch what he said to Carponti because Carponti was as likely to tie the lieutenant to the turret of their Bradley fighting vehicle’s main gun as not. If Shane went to jail, he wasn’t going because of one of Carponti’s stupid pranks.

  “What now?”

  “Inventory or something,” Carponti said with a shrug. “Can you please go see him so he’ll stop nagging me every time he sees me? Why isn’t he talking to the platoon leader, anyway?”

  Shane tossed his mail into a pile and sat up. His platoon leader, Lieutenant Miller, and Lieutenant Randall, the company executive officer, were officially not speaking, but Carponti didn’t need to know that. At least, he didn’t need to hear it from Shane. It would end up scribbled all over the Porta-Potty walls, and that wouldn’t do anyone any good. Randall would just cry about it and then the first sergeant would make the guys paint over the graffiti in the hundred-and-twelve-degree heat. He’d laugh, but he’d still make them paint. No matter how many times it happened. “Him and LT Miller are having a disagreement.”

  “Well, shit, can’t they stop bickering like first graders and act like adults? Why doesn’t Miller tell Randall to pound sand.”

  “Sergeant Carponti!”

  Carponti’s face went completely blank at the sound of Randall’s voice echoing across the bay. Shane narrowed his eyes and studied his sergeant. His expression was pure innocence.

  “What did you do?” Shane asked.

  “Nothing.”

  “What did you supervise?”

  Carponti sniffed and his mouth twitched. “Nothing.”

  “What did you see happening and not stop?”

  “One of the troops drew a new picture of the LT on one of the latrine walls.” C
arponti’s face broke into a shit-eating grin. “It’s really a work of art. You can completely see the freckles on Randall’s nose and everything.”

  “Carponti …” Shane fought the urge to laugh. Last week, Randall had been the subject of a particularly off-color demotivational poster that had made the rounds. Something about being the officer in charge of killing fun.

  “It’s got a camel and a water bottle and …”

  Randall stalked up, his face flushed. He looked like he’d been trying not to run. “Sergeant Carponti, I don’t appreciate your attitude. If I find out that you’re behind this …”

  “Behind what, LT?” Shane asked as he stood up, stepping between Carponti and Randall. “What can I do for you?”

  “You can start by teaching your sergeants some basic customs and courtesies.”

  “And you can stop trying to sleep with their wives. So I guess we’re at an impasse.”

  For a brief moment, Randall looked like he was going to argue, but he apparently remembered that Shane was a hell of a lot bigger than he was. And the last time the lieutenant had run his mouth, Shane had ended up explaining to the battalion sergeant major how Randall had run into the end of his fist. Course, Trent didn’t know that and Shane planned on keeping it that way. As his company commander and his friend, Shane did his best not to put Trent in untenable positions. So long as he didn’t cross the line with this particular lieutenant anymore, Sarn’t Major Giles had agreed to keep it quiet, which would keep it from the battalion commander, which would keep it from Trent. Shane had no idea how Sarn’t Major was keeping Randall from running to the battalion commander or his father, but that wasn’t Shane’s problem.

  Keeping Randall and Carponti from getting into it in the middle of the bay was.

  Shane called on every ounce of patience he could and simply waited for the lieutenant to continue. As Trent’s friend, he owed him no altercations. Unless, of course, they couldn’t be avoided. Lieutenant Randall was rapidly pushing him to the couldn’t-be-avoided phase.

  “I don’t need the executive officer to take charge of my troops’ training,” he said again, deliberately not using any form of address. He looked into Randall’s flushed face and couldn’t resist the urge to poke at the LT. Trent was going to kill him but what the hell. Randall needed an attitude adjustment, big time. “Pretty sure your job is to get us toilet paper and paper clips?”