After the War Read online

  Sarah shifted and the movement caught Sean’s eye, reminding him that they were not alone. Sean paused, keenly aware of Sarah watching their exchange. “I thought you were medically on hold?”

  Haverson shrugged. “Apparently not. New cadre just took over and apparently, their goal in life is to get rid of us malingering crybaby sissies.” He made air quotes around “crybaby sissies.”

  Sean’s mouth moved, but nothing came out. Anger blocked his throat, made it hard to breathe. He hated the fact that Haverson had been transferred to the WTU before Sean had taken command. “I’ll try again to get you pulled back over here,” he offered.

  “Nah, it’s fine. I don’t think the Army’s the right place for me anymore.” There was resignation in those words.

  Haverson was tired. Burned out from a lifetime at war. The dark slashes beneath his eyes weren’t the only signs. There was a gauntness to his cheeks, a hollowness that suggested not enough food or not enough time spent eating. Either way.

  Sean needed a break, a space to pull his thoughts back from the edge of what he was afraid he was seeing in Haverson. “Haverson, this is a friend of mine, Captain Anders. Haves was my platoon medic in ’03.”

  “Nice to meet you.”

  “You too, ma’am.” Haverson turned back to Sean when he spoke.

  “What’s your plan?” Sean asked.

  “My dad owns a motorcycle shop. I figure I’ll go putter around and work on bikes for a while. Try to get my head straight.”

  Sarah moved into the first sergeant’s office and Sean was at once grateful for the gesture and terrified of being alone with Haverson. He didn’t know what to say, how to reach out. How to save the kid from self-destructing.

  “You’re still not sleeping,” Sean said when Sarah was out of earshot. It was not a question.

  Haverson shrugged and avoided his gaze. “Few hours here and there.”

  “No meds?”

  Haverson leaned against the counter. “Took too many the last year. Ambien doesn’t work for me anymore. They say you’re well and truly fucked if that happens. It’ll be all right. Have to crash sooner or later, right?”

  Sean rubbed his shoulder reflexively. It ached now and again but just then, it flared up, violent and hot and burning. He stretched and tried to shove the pain away. “Just be careful the crash doesn’t come when you’re driving. Have you talked to a doc?”

  “Tried, but the docs in the WTU won’t see me anymore because my packet is already in front of the board.” There was a crash and a stream of cussing from the back room. “What’s going on back there?”

  Sean grinned. “Combatives.”

  “Still using it as group therapy, huh?” Haverson’s smile almost reached his eyes. “Anyway, I’m leaving as soon as I get my orders. WTU already cleared me from post.” The shadows were back in his eyes now, dark and filled with haunted pain. “I just wanted to stop by and say hi.”

  Sean pulled a sheet of paper from the printer and scribbled down his phone number. “You ever need anything, you call me. I don’t care if it’s midnight on Christmas, you call me.” Sean gripped Haverson’s shoulder and lowered his voice. “Don’t… Stay in the fight. Okay? Promise me?”

  Haverson swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, man.” Haverson stepped away and grinned, trying to shake off the sudden seriousness of their conversation. The attempt failed, but Sean let it stand. “Keep in touch, though, okay?”

  “You too.”

  Sean said nothing as Haverson stepped out of the life he’d led and into a world outside the Army. He simply stood, watching Haverson walk away.

  He felt Sarah watching him from his first sergeant’s doorway. “I’m worried about that kid,” he said quietly, without looking at her. “The WTUs don’t care about their soldiers. I’ve been trying to get him pulled back into my unit so I can look out for him.”

  “But?”

  “Battalion commander won’t even consider it. Says we don’t have the resources to look after every wounded soldier’s medical needs.”

  She looked down but not before Sean saw something behind her eyes. Something unspoken, laced with fear and something else. He wanted to push, to ask her about it.

  When she said nothing, Sean sighed hard and dropped his hands into his pockets. Found the coins there, comforting and warm.

  He tensed when she moved closer and stopped just inside of his personal space. Some part of his brain registered that she walked with a faint limp. He’d have to remember to ask her about that sometime, too.

  But when she rested her palm on his forearm, the gesture was both unexpected and unwelcome. The sympathy threatened to destroy the control he was barely holding on to.

  He stilled, unable to move. He looked down at her palm, warm and soft against his skin.

  “Your commander is right, Sean,” she said quietly. “You can’t save everyone. No matter how much you might want otherwise.”

  Sean stared at her, wrestling with a thousand unsaid things twisting and burning beneath his heart. “I know that.” The harshest truth.

  The kindred spirit of loss wrapped around them. For a moment, the harsh words and breathtaking disappointment were gone, and they were just two soldiers, each with their own scars from the war that had taken those they cared about.

  He wanted to tell her. Wanted to tell her he’d known her husband. That Jack had been a friend of his.

  That he’d been there when Jack had died. And oh God, he was sorry. Sorry that he hadn’t done more to save them. Sorry he hadn’t brought her husband back to her.

  But he said none of those things. Because he was a coward, and regret sat on his chest like a wet wool blanket.

  Finally, he cleared his throat, needing to break the silence and get back onto clear footing with this woman who resurrected far too many things he’d tried to forget. “I’ll, ah, round up Smith for you.”

  He walked away. Because that’s what he was so terribly good at when it came to her.

  Six

  “You won’t make a statement?” Sarah asked, struggling to keep her expression carefully blank.

  Across from her, Lieutenant Smith crossed his arms over his chest. “No.”

  “No, ma’am,” she corrected, keeping her voice level. She didn’t know who this lieutenant thought he was, but he damn sure had a high opinion of himself.

  “No, ma’am. I will not make a statement.” There was a hint of sneer there. Just below the surface and yet buried enough that she couldn’t call him on it.

  Legally, she couldn’t ask him why the hell not, now that he was invoking his Article 31 right—the military equivalent of the Fifth Amendment. The interview was over. She couldn’t ask him any damn thing about anything.

  It was frustrating but it certainly simplified things, that was for sure.

  Sarah slid the legal form across Morgan’s cluttered desk and handed LT Smith a pen. “I need you to write that in here and sign the front and the back.”

  She said nothing as Smith made the appropriate marks on the page. He slid the form toward her and stood.

  She didn’t even look up at him. “Sit down, lieutenant. You are not dismissed.” She’d had just about enough of his superior attitude. She waited until he sat, then waited an extra moment, just to prove her point. “You realize that by not making a statement, you’re allowing me to draw conclusions based on everyone else’s statements.”

  “Yes, ma’am. I do.”

  “And you have no issues with that?”

  “Ma’am, I did nothing wrong other than drag a drunk and out-of-control sergeant from a bar. I don’t have to write anything other than what I already told the police.”

  The words rolled off his tongue a little too easily. A practiced lie. He wasn’t making a statement because he didn’t want to contradict himself already. Sarah watched him silently, long enough that he finally shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He couldn’t wait to get out of that office.

  “You’re dismissed.” His attitude suc
ked, and she could see why Kearney—or anyone who knew him, for that matter—was ready to fight him at the drop of a hat.

  Smith slid out of the office and barely a moment passed before Sean rapped on the first sergeant’s door. “Make any progress?”

  She lifted one eyebrow. “He’s a charming fella, isn’t he?” she said dryly.

  “Very much so,” Sean said.

  Sarah frowned. “Has Kearney gotten back yet?”

  “He’s on his way. He’ll be here in a few minutes.”

  “Thanks.” She looked down at her notes. “I really don’t have much to say about this, Sean. They got into a fight. That’s really the extent of my findings right now.”

  He looked over her head at the clock behind her.

  “Why does Morgan keep the clock behind him instead of across the room?” she asked.

  Sean grinned. “He can tell how much soldiers are squirming by how often they look over his head at the clock.”

  “That’s brilliant.” Sarah tapped her pen against the desk. “I’ll have to remember that one.” She flicked the pen cap off. Back on.

  Sean tipped his chin, studying her quietly. “You were in command?”

  Sarah looked down at her paperwork, annoyed that she’d allowed that factoid to slip out. “Yes. For about five months.”

  Silence greeted her private shame. Any commander who was pulled out of command before twelve months had been fired and they both knew that.

  “What happened?” he asked finally.

  Hell, everyone knew that.

  Sarah swallowed. “It’s a long story,” she said. The truth. From a certain point of view.

  There was a question in his eyes now, questions that seemed to surface every time they were around each other. But for once, the tentative truce between them seemed to hold.

  “Give me the short version?”

  She released a breath slowly. “My boss and I didn’t agree about how we were training for the deployment. I had one too many training accidents so when I got hurt in Kuwait, he fired me. Said he’d lost confidence in my ability to lead soldiers.”

  “Hurt?” She looked up at the intensity in that single word.

  “Fire.”

  Something dark flashed over his face. “Is that why you’re limping?” His words were thick now, grating over her skin.

  She nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Jesus, Sarah, I’m sorry.” There was no judgment in his eyes. No blame or pity or I told you so.

  He was so different from the man she remembered.

  “Thank you,” she said honestly. And she meant it.

  Finally, he cleared his throat then looked over his shoulder. “Kearney’s here.”

  * * *

  “Ma’am, I’d like my commander to be present during my interview.”

  Sarah looked at the sergeant sitting across from her. Too much sun and not enough sleep had chiseled away over the years at what had once been a handsome man, leaving a ragged, haggard man in his place. The black eye and bruises on his face didn’t help things.

  “Will his being present change your answers?” she asked. Sean was standing in the ops, pretending to read a sheet of paper he’d just pulled off the printer and fooling exactly no one. She remembered exactly how she’d felt when her company had been investigated for the training accident back in Colorado before her last deployment. Protective. Hovering to make sure no one was portrayed inaccurately.

  “No, ma’am. My answers will be the same regardless of who’s present.”

  She felt Sean watching her, leaving the silence to stand alone and unafraid. She had the distinct feeling that he really was leaving this decision to her. She looked up at Sean. “If you’re okay with that?”

  Sean stepped into the office and nudged the door closed behind him. “Sure.”

  Sarah focused on Kearney. “Please tell me what happened the night you and LT Smith were involved in the fight.”

  “Haverson and me rolled out to meet up with some of the other guys out at Ropers. We were having a good time, minding our business and all, when the damn XO showed up.”

  Sarah raised her eyebrows and pressed her lips into a thin line. “Lieutenant Smith?”

  Kearney nodded, and she wrote quickly. She’d get this in another sworn statement after she finished going through his original write-up.

  “You said in your statement to police that Smith started the argument as soon as he arrived?”

  “LT Smith started running his mouth about my wife. Things got out of control and the next thing I know, we’re outside, rolling.”

  Rolling was slang for combatives. “It sounds like you did a lot more than rolling,” she remarked dryly, then frowned. “Why was Lieutenant Smith making remarks about your wife?”

  Kearney swallowed and looked down. A flush crept up his neck, and the muscle in his jaw flexed several times. Finally, he cleared his throat. “Just talking shit, ma’am. Our wives had a falling out during the last deployment.”

  Sarah looked up at the choked words and stared silently at Kearney. “Smith is married?”

  “He was. She’s a lieutenant over in First Brigade.”

  “What happened between your wives?”

  “Smith’s ex, ah, thought Kitty was sleeping with Smith.”

  Sarah paused, considering her next words carefully. “Was she?”

  The silence stretched for an eternity. There was pain and anger written in the lines on Kearney’s face. He didn’t have to answer for Sarah to see the truth of the situation.

  She did not expect Sean’s reaction, however.

  “You mean to tell me Smith slept with your wife, and you didn’t say anything?” There was darkness in Sean’s eyes now. Barely restrained fury.

  Kearney looked up at Sean, humiliation mixing with defiance in his bruised eyes. “It’s none of your business, sir. You’ve got more important things to worry about.”

  “One of my lieutenants fucking his soldiers’ wives is goddamned good and well my concern.” His voice was deadly calm, but even though there had been years between them, Sarah could see him reaching the edge of his control.

  “Sean.” She spoke softly, highly aware that if she handled this wrong, she could undermine his authority.

  He met her gaze, and there was something there, something haunted and twisted and filled with regret. He ground his teeth and took a step back, out of Kearney’s line of sight. His presence was a palpable thing.

  “What happened after you and Smith fought?”

  “Someone pulled me off him. Next thing I know, I’m in handcuffs, and he’s getting pushed into a car by a couple of his buddies.”

  “Do you remember who those buddies were?”

  “I think McKiernan and Ricks.”

  Sarah made a quick note. “Why didn’t you report the incident between Smith and your spouse to the commander?”

  Another long pause. “I didn’t want Kitty to get in any trouble, ma’am.”

  Sarah set her pen down and leaned forward. “Let me get this straight. You went out with buddies, were minding your own business at a bar, and then your company XO picks a fight with you about sleeping with your wife?”

  Kearney’s jaw pulsed, and he unclenched his fists to rub his palms against his thighs. “Yes, ma’am. That’s what’s in my statement.”

  “And you weren’t angry that this lieutenant and your wife slept together?” Sarah glanced at Sean then back at Kearney.

  “Kitty and I are trying to patch things up,” Kearney said. “I’m trying to let the shit—stuff with Smith go. My counselor said something about forgiveness or some crap like that.”

  Sarah pressed her lips together, watching Kearney closely. Something didn’t add up, but short of putting words in his mouth or guessing, she needed to let it go. Hopefully someone else would fill in the blanks and make sense of this madness.

  Silence filled the small office as she made more notes. Finally she looked up at him, seeing clearly the broken down warrior tr
ying and failing at being a garrison soldier. Kearney was a man made for war. And after the war, society had no idea what to do with them. “Is there anything else you’d like to add, Sergeant Kearney?”

  Kearney shook his head quickly and looked down at his hands. “No, ma’am.”

  * * *

  Sarah was alone in the office with Sean. It should have been uncomfortable and filled with unsaid things. Instead, he sat across from her and looked far too at ease in his own skin.

  “I take it you didn’t know about Kearney’s wife and LT Smith?” she said, tucking away Kearney’s new sworn statement.

  “No. No idea. But it certainly fills in a big piece of the puzzle for me.” He leaned back in his chair, resting his hands on the top of his head. “I thought I knew Kearney better than that.”

  “Because he didn’t tell you?”

  “Yeah.” A single word laced with regret.

  She wished she didn’t notice. Not the tone in his voice or the span of his shoulders or the easy lines around his mouth. None of them had been there when they’d been younger.

  She looked away, unwilling to follow the white rabbit down the trail it was trying to lure her on.

  “Why did the previous Chaos commander get relieved?” she asked. “I’m tracking that all the company commanders were relieved recently, right?”

  “They were. Captain Rush was removed for incompetence laced with malfeasance.”

  She almost smiled at that description. “Care to expound?”

  “Drunk on duty, caught with porn on his government computer. Basically sat in his office and let the lieutenants and senior NCOs run the unit without any oversight.”

  She lifted both eyebrows. “Which explains how a lieutenant might have slept with a soldier’s wife.”

  “Rush was certainly an above-average fuckstick,” Sean said. “But as far as Smith and Kearney go, the two of them have been nothing but a pain in the ass since I took command. I already tried to fire LT Smith once over his conduct with some of the NCOs.”

  Sarah leaned back in her chair. “For what?”

  “Does being a piece of shit count?”